Break out the chainsaw!!
Monday, August 29, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
So much for the forecast..
The small "rain event" that we got turned into a real pain in the ass. Nobody expected the problems we would encounter over a storm that was never suppossed to have gone through Dade County. We lost power at 7pm on Thursday and didnt get it back till Sunday morning. No AC or any of the other luxuries we are all accustomed to. I bought a chain saw on Friday and looked like a woodsman from the northwest clearing fallen trees all over the yard. Got a generator on the 3rd day and 12 hours later the power was back on. I'll be really ready next time now that I have that and the portable ac on the way.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Hurricane Karina
Her comes the hysteria. I am watching all 4 local stations in their prime time...a hurricane hitting the coast of Florida. We were scheduled to go to the Tim McGraw concert later this evening and tthey waited till 3pm to cancel the concert. Guess they were trying to squeeze in some poker and cocktails this evening.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
AC Saga
When I got back from vacation in early July, the temperature in the house was a cool 90 degrees. Turns out that the outside breaker had tripped. I quickly realized what was going on and flipped it back on. All was well till the next day when it tripped again while I was the office and receives a frantic call from my nanny saying that "habia mucho calor!!". This time though it didnt turn back on. So I called my trusty third worlder ac repair guy who came over at about 11pm after he had finished his regular job. Here in the banana republic you can get things done at odd hours and its actually cheaper so he looked at the problem and said I needed a new breaker which was impossible to get at this time of night. The next morning he came by and it started again after replacing it.
A few weeks later, we started getting even hotter weather in the mid to high nineties. Around the first of August, I started to notice that the house would begin to warm up as the temperature outside started to rise about noon. Seemed like the outside compressor was overheating so I let it cool while we went to dinner and ended up turning it on when we got back and its worked ok thru the night that first day it happened on a Saturday night. That Sunday morning, my third worlder came by but it was working fine and he really didnt know what was wrong as he gave me one of those "I dont know what the fuck it is buddy" looks.
The next day, Monday, I called a new ac company recommended by my trusty neighbors who have a repair guy for everything. They showed up..replaced a plethora of stuff and handed me a $220 bill. I figured its worth it if I sleep cool at night. It worked for a day or so and the check got cashed. Like clockwork, that day it started all again. By noon, the ac could not keep up and the temperature in the house rose to the low 80s. I called the same guys who had just worked on it and the owner was in the area. He showed up within the hour and I came home from work to meet the guy. Turns out that someone who had repaired the outside unit a few years ago had put in an incorrect capacitor which caused the motor fan to run at the wrong rpm which caused the compressor to overheat and shutdown. Finally an honest answer and a real fix. Another $160.00, a new motor fan and capacitor and I was in business.
A few weeks later, we started getting even hotter weather in the mid to high nineties. Around the first of August, I started to notice that the house would begin to warm up as the temperature outside started to rise about noon. Seemed like the outside compressor was overheating so I let it cool while we went to dinner and ended up turning it on when we got back and its worked ok thru the night that first day it happened on a Saturday night. That Sunday morning, my third worlder came by but it was working fine and he really didnt know what was wrong as he gave me one of those "I dont know what the fuck it is buddy" looks.
The next day, Monday, I called a new ac company recommended by my trusty neighbors who have a repair guy for everything. They showed up..replaced a plethora of stuff and handed me a $220 bill. I figured its worth it if I sleep cool at night. It worked for a day or so and the check got cashed. Like clockwork, that day it started all again. By noon, the ac could not keep up and the temperature in the house rose to the low 80s. I called the same guys who had just worked on it and the owner was in the area. He showed up within the hour and I came home from work to meet the guy. Turns out that someone who had repaired the outside unit a few years ago had put in an incorrect capacitor which caused the motor fan to run at the wrong rpm which caused the compressor to overheat and shutdown. Finally an honest answer and a real fix. Another $160.00, a new motor fan and capacitor and I was in business.
Friday, August 05, 2005
At your fingertips..
As much as I use sarcasm to talk about this town, I also like to write about some things that only happen in this neck of the woods.
You can buy anything anywhere in this town. Want some produce...in some neighborhoods the produce stand comes to you. Converted lunch wagon missing half the cover sell fruits and vegetables ala open air market. You can see them on a busy street corner peddling mangos or other tropical fruits for a favorite shake. Bananas hang on a nail which runs across a delapidated board along the back of the truck. Need some apples..they have them. No granny smiths but what latin in their right mind really bakes apple pie anyways. Last time I checked there is no cuban apple pie. Maybe an apple papaya pie. Not that there is such a thing but it kinda rolls off the tongue don't you think?
Need some knives sharpened? Eevery month you can have the mobile knife sharpener who comes by sort of like the ice cream man complete with the big step van and funky music to let you know he is around the corner. Like if running to curb with your arms holding all the knives in the house is such a great idea. He will sharpen your Henkels and that rusty Machete you keep around to trim plants and kill those pesky garden snakes than get in the yard. Don't forget your scissors and all those pocket knives that you keep in a drawer. Honestly... does this guy make any money? Whatever happpend to those cool little sharpeners on the back of the can openers. They always made that cool noise and you could see the sparks fly as you sharpened.
How bout some health insurance? Stop at any busy intersection and you'll get handy a flyer offering you medical insurance for 40 bucks a month. Fact is its not really insurance but a death sentence from some foreign trained doctor who used to delivery cows in his prior life working out of a storefront next to a dry cleaner and a chinese restaurant. You can have your clothes wash dried and folded, pick up some lo mein and get a tetanus shot in less than an hour.
With all that money you save on health care, you need somewhere to hold at that money. Here in town the Avon lady is really an afterthought. You can get purses by the bucket loads. Most of them are copycats of the big names..Burberry, Louis Vitton, Coach and the like. Everyone can get them. By in reality isnt just better to go fake anyways. You buy your significant other that purse which costs more than your monthly car payment and they use it for a month or so till it gets old and sits in the corner of their closet next to those cool shoes which are no longer in style but she keeps them just to say she had a pair of x when they were in style.
Flowers are also part of the street corner phenomenon. This just creates trouble for men since they are always saying you never bring me flowers. The cool thing is that they are super cheap. Instead of spending over Fifty dollars on a dozen, you can easily get 5 to 10 dozen for that price on the street. I have been meaning to do that but dont really know if all thosse flowers would fit in the car.
I think the most amazing idea I have seen lately is this Car Wash at the Mall. You get to the mall to buy those expensive purses and some guy comes up to you in the middle of the garage with a clipboard. You need car wash? You look around this dimly lit multi story garage thinking where in the hell the darn water spigot could be. But no...the have these funky looking wheelbarrows with a water canister that brings the water to your dusty old vehicle where some recently arrived poorly paid immigrant can bring that shine back in a few minutes while you go haywire with that new platinum visa.
This is truly the land of the lazies.
You can buy anything anywhere in this town. Want some produce...in some neighborhoods the produce stand comes to you. Converted lunch wagon missing half the cover sell fruits and vegetables ala open air market. You can see them on a busy street corner peddling mangos or other tropical fruits for a favorite shake. Bananas hang on a nail which runs across a delapidated board along the back of the truck. Need some apples..they have them. No granny smiths but what latin in their right mind really bakes apple pie anyways. Last time I checked there is no cuban apple pie. Maybe an apple papaya pie. Not that there is such a thing but it kinda rolls off the tongue don't you think?
Need some knives sharpened? Eevery month you can have the mobile knife sharpener who comes by sort of like the ice cream man complete with the big step van and funky music to let you know he is around the corner. Like if running to curb with your arms holding all the knives in the house is such a great idea. He will sharpen your Henkels and that rusty Machete you keep around to trim plants and kill those pesky garden snakes than get in the yard. Don't forget your scissors and all those pocket knives that you keep in a drawer. Honestly... does this guy make any money? Whatever happpend to those cool little sharpeners on the back of the can openers. They always made that cool noise and you could see the sparks fly as you sharpened.
How bout some health insurance? Stop at any busy intersection and you'll get handy a flyer offering you medical insurance for 40 bucks a month. Fact is its not really insurance but a death sentence from some foreign trained doctor who used to delivery cows in his prior life working out of a storefront next to a dry cleaner and a chinese restaurant. You can have your clothes wash dried and folded, pick up some lo mein and get a tetanus shot in less than an hour.
With all that money you save on health care, you need somewhere to hold at that money. Here in town the Avon lady is really an afterthought. You can get purses by the bucket loads. Most of them are copycats of the big names..Burberry, Louis Vitton, Coach and the like. Everyone can get them. By in reality isnt just better to go fake anyways. You buy your significant other that purse which costs more than your monthly car payment and they use it for a month or so till it gets old and sits in the corner of their closet next to those cool shoes which are no longer in style but she keeps them just to say she had a pair of x when they were in style.
Flowers are also part of the street corner phenomenon. This just creates trouble for men since they are always saying you never bring me flowers. The cool thing is that they are super cheap. Instead of spending over Fifty dollars on a dozen, you can easily get 5 to 10 dozen for that price on the street. I have been meaning to do that but dont really know if all thosse flowers would fit in the car.
I think the most amazing idea I have seen lately is this Car Wash at the Mall. You get to the mall to buy those expensive purses and some guy comes up to you in the middle of the garage with a clipboard. You need car wash? You look around this dimly lit multi story garage thinking where in the hell the darn water spigot could be. But no...the have these funky looking wheelbarrows with a water canister that brings the water to your dusty old vehicle where some recently arrived poorly paid immigrant can bring that shine back in a few minutes while you go haywire with that new platinum visa.
This is truly the land of the lazies.
Monday, August 01, 2005
The Third Worlders
They are everywhere in Miami. That influx of south americans who have taken over several parts of Miami. They brought their customs and way of life to some parts where you definitely think you are in the Third World. Little bars with barely legal women where you can get a beer and some company for a few bucks after working all day mowing lawns and trimming hedges for more than you make in a month in your hometown. The window at a favorite cafeteria/bodega which has all those products which are of lesser quality than what is available here but you buy it anyways just because it makes you think of home. You walk in and feel like Kareem since you are the tallest of them all even though you never had the size to play junior high ball. How about that little beauty with the halter that is 6 sizes too small and those sexy jeans from the dollar store that show off that big ole latin butt.
Are they finished yet?
Road construction plagues us all here in Miami. New roads that go nowhere. Highway resurfacing that never stops. Bridges that are always being repaired. Movie shoots closing down vital arteries for days at a time. Railroad closures conflicting with major events. Never a cop around to control an intersection when you need on.
I did some traveling this year and its funny how when you travel, traffic is never as bad as in your hometown. Is that because your town is the worst or because you just went on a good day. I am one of the 4 folks that take the local metrorail here in Miami. Never have I needed to stand ala New York City holding on for dear life as that wave of folks packs the car when its stops at the elevated station. Other than downtown, where exactly does this Billion Dollar transporation pork barrel project take you? I needed to go to the airport on a business trip and didnt want to pay outrageous parking fees. Lesson...dont rely on public transportation because it "dont go near there". Need to go to the main public university...better take a bus because it "dont go near there". How bout a trip to the home of the major sports team...sorry... unlike every other city in America you cant take the train to Dolphins Stadium. Every other park in America has rail or subway access. Boston fans will head over to Fenway on the subway, New York's D Train will get you to the Bronx. The L in Chicago will get out to Wrigley. What about Miami?
I did some traveling this year and its funny how when you travel, traffic is never as bad as in your hometown. Is that because your town is the worst or because you just went on a good day. I am one of the 4 folks that take the local metrorail here in Miami. Never have I needed to stand ala New York City holding on for dear life as that wave of folks packs the car when its stops at the elevated station. Other than downtown, where exactly does this Billion Dollar transporation pork barrel project take you? I needed to go to the airport on a business trip and didnt want to pay outrageous parking fees. Lesson...dont rely on public transportation because it "dont go near there". Need to go to the main public university...better take a bus because it "dont go near there". How bout a trip to the home of the major sports team...sorry... unlike every other city in America you cant take the train to Dolphins Stadium. Every other park in America has rail or subway access. Boston fans will head over to Fenway on the subway, New York's D Train will get you to the Bronx. The L in Chicago will get out to Wrigley. What about Miami?
Hot Hot Hot
Today is the 1st of August. Traditionally right smack in the middle of the hot sweltering heat here in this Banana Republic. In less than a week, our kids will all be back at school after a short 7 week break from the classroom. I remember a full 3 months of vacation only a decade or two ago. Enough time to fill the summer with time at the beach, the pools and plenty of time to spend time with all those relatives you never saw during the rest of the year.
Today also marks the beginning of summer high school football practices throughout the state. Those 2 a day practices where our kids risk life and limb in the oppressive heat to play the real american pastime. Those were the days...sweating pounds of sweat daily in the hot florida sun when the only fun part was fighting amongst your teammates under that white PVC tubing running along the top of the outfield chain-link fence with holes drilled in it to give each player some cool well water to refresh or better yet reduce a players’ internal body temperature by half a degree or so. Wouldn’t it be better to just put in a big baby pool where you could take a little dip? Also with the heat came the parade of sick bastards who couldn’t keep their lunches down…throwing up due to the heat and extreme exercise. Lets be honest people…these kids were drinking beer and just hanging out all summer rather than staying in shape. The wake up a few days before school starts and everyone expects them to get going doing sprints and catching passing in the Sahara.Even the mighty Dolphins have fallen to the heat..they blamed it the catering but lets get real...these fat lineman havnt stopped eating since they got their signing bonus. You really expect them to deal with the heat when they have been hanging out with their agent on South Beach?
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